Order in the Dojo?
by NachoManLance
Summary: Reporting live at the Kamiya Courthouse, with Judge Kenshin presiding the case of Kaoru versus Yahiko. The trial of the century begins now! !Completed!
1. Oro in the Court!

Order in the...Dojo? by NachoManLance

Disclaimer: I don't anything that is even REMOTELY related to Rurouni Kenshin. Nope, not even a DVD...*tear*

Note: Whew! It's been awhile since I've done a RK fic. Hopefully this will brighten your guys' day, cause God knows we all need a laugh ^_^. This isn't a self-insert (gasp!) and it stars almost all the RK cast I can think of off the top of my head. Don't like it, cool. If you do, cool. I accept flames and wedding propos-

*cough*

Heh heh, it happens....

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The crowd sitting inside the Kamiya Dojo was brewing with excitement and tension. Whispers raced back and forth between the audience, spreading the rumors of the accused. Although bright and sunny outside, a tone of nervousness and fear spread quickly about the small town.

Sitting in the defendant's desk Yahiko, and sitting next to him was his attorney, Sanosuke. Yahiko was sweating with tension, and shaking his hands. Sanosuke, as usual, just laid back and listened to all the talking.

Sitting in the prosecution desk was Kaoru, and sitting next to her was her supervisor Misao. Both of them sat proudly, calm and without any hint of anxiety.

Suddenly the murmuring of the crowd halted as bailiff Saitou shouted, "All rise for the....the....well, I can't really say 'honorable'.."

From behind the curtain an gavel flew and whacked Saitou square in the head.

"All right, all right! All rise for the HONORABLE Judge Kenshin!"

At once everyone inside the courthouse stood as Kenshin, wearing a large pink judges' robe, stepped out from behind the curtain and took his seat behind the stand. Afterwords everyone else sat besides Saitou. The bailiff wasn't allowed to sit in the courtroom. Poor guy.

Kenshin lifted his gavel and pounded the desk twice. "Order! The case of Mr. Yahiko versus Ms. Kaoru is now in session, that it is."

Everyone simultaneously rolled their eyes at the last remark, as if it was expected.

"Would the prosecution please present their opening argument." Judge Kenshin said.

Kaoru stood almost immediately and stepped forward. She glanced toward the jury, who were just randomly chosen townsmen off the streets. One of them was picking his nose, not paying attention. Two others looked close to sleeping. She sighed, and turned her attention toward the courtroom crowd.

"My fellow townsmen and women," she winked at Misao, who winked back, "I have called forward this case against my student and apprentice, Yahiko, for disturbing the peace (mainly within the tenants of this dojo) and disrespect toward his master. Such acts are not tolerated within the dojo, or in Japan for that matter. Punishment for this misconduct results in ten lashes and no desserts for a whole week. This time though, I'd like for the people of Tokyo to make the sentence. Nothing further, your honor."

And with that, Kaoru took her seat. Misao patted her back in support.

"May the defense team give their opening argument, please." Kenshin said, slamming down his gavel.

"That wasn't all that necessary, you know..." Saitou whispered to him.

"Quiet you!" Kenshin ordered. Saitou stiffened up and said no more.

Sanosuke smirked at Yahiko, before standing up and straightening his head band. He winked at most of the ladies in the courtroom, save for Kaoru and Misao, and began his opening statement.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the dojo, this is a simple case." he said smoothly, "My client, who I might remind you is only a learning young teenager, has gone through many of these quarells in the past with Missy over here and got over it. The recent incident wasn't any different from last week, and the day before, and the day before, etc. I only ask for a drop on the charges made by our wonderful jury." The members of the jury suddenly awoke and began to blush in embarresment. 

Sano sat back down besides Yahiko, giving him a pat on the back.

Judge Kenshin sat up straighter and announced, "Would the prosecution please summon their first witness." 

Misao cleared her throat and stood. "Prosecution calls Megumi to the stand."

The sly kitsune stood from her seat in the audience and walked toward the stand. As soon as she sat, bailiff Saitou took out a sword and had Megumi place her hand on it.

"Do you swear on the sakaboto to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you...so help you..." Kenshin grunted impatiently.

"All right already!" Saitou groaned, "So help you Kenshin?"

Kenshin smiled behind Saitou's back.

Megumi nodded her head and took her hand off the sword. Misao calmly walked around the front of the courtroom, pacing back and forth.

"Ms. Megumi," she said loudly so everyone could hear, "Do you know the accused, Mr. Yahiko?"

"Yes," Megumi replied, "I see him practicing most of the time, but from what I know he seems to be a very good young man."

Yahiko blushed from his seat.

"The reason why he is on trial, Ms. Megumi," Misao raised her voice a tad, "Is exactly the opposite of your attraction to him."

The courtroom sat in silence, trying to register her words,..very, very slowly.

"That...totally doesn't sound right." Megumi muttered.

Misao turned a brilliant shade of red. "Mibad. Anyway, were you at the Kamiya Dojo just two nights ago?"

"Yes." Megumi answered truthfully.

"And why were you there?"

Megumi smiled, "I was invited to dinner by Sano here, and Sir Ken was cooking."

"I know where this is going!!!" Kaoru screamed from her seat. A couple of people sitting behind her finally calmed her down and the trial continued.

"What happened that night, Ms. Megumi?" Misao asked.

"Well," Megumi said, "It started with some nice riceballs as a snack, and then Sir Ken brought out his homemade Miso stew he made earlier. It was very delicious."

Kenshin blushed in his seat.

"I meant, Ms. Megumi," said Misao irritably, "Anything other than your meal."

"Oh, well in that case I did see Yahiko and Kaoru arguing over the last riceball. It eventually grew into name calling and such. I still think to this day they're secretly brother and sister.."

Yahiko and Kaoru both shouted at once, "STOP CALLING US THAT!!!!"

Sighing, Saitou digs into his pocket and takes out a tranquilizer dart.

"Oh thank GOD!!" Kenshin yells and makes a grab for it.

Saitou moved it away from his grasp. "Get your own." Seconds later he injects himself with the sleeping liquid, shouting stupid things like, "WOO, I'M GLEAMING THE CUBE!!" and such, before collapsing to the floor, asleep. 

Finally, he won't be around this moronic bunch for very long.

~~

I intended to make this much longer, but I got caught up with a few other things.

I hope all of you enjoyed this part of the maybe three part series, stick around for more! Viva la Oro!!!

R/R please!


	2. Five Times Is More Than Enough

Order in the...Dojo? by NachoManLance  
  
Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is not mine to own. Only if I'm a very rich and snobby Japanese dude. Sadly, I am not one of them.  
  
Note: Long delay, I know! I have very good excuses though, I swear! I had an excellent novel idea in tow, and I've concentrated a whole lot on it. Now, since I'm taking a break on that, here is the second part to the trial of the century, Kaoru vs. Yahiko!  
  
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After a ten minute break, the crowd, jury, and judge returned to business...Twister game!!  
  
*story rewinds*  
  
After a ten minute break, the crowd, jury and judge returned to business...Spin the Katana!!  
  
*story rewinds, author is brutally beaten*  
  
After a ten minute break, the crowd, jury and judge returned to business...the trial!!  
  
Saitoh, now awake, orders everyone to sit as Kenshin makes his appearance to the desk. As soon as he sits a loud, rude sound fills the air. Many people hold their noses. Sanosuke chuckles behind his desk.  
  
Kenshin fishes around his chair and pulls out a flattened whoopie cushion. The courtroom gets hysterical with laughter.  
  
"I demand order in this court, or it's your heads!!" Kenshin screamed, eyes glowing bright gold.  
  
Courtroom: MEEP!  
  
"Very well,.." Kenshin straightened a few papers and cleared his throat. "Defense may now summon their next witness."  
  
Sanosuke stood and held a piece of paper before him. "Defense calls Martha Stewart to the stand."  
  
The courtroom sweatdrops as one.  
  
"Wrong century, baka." Saitoh grumbled.  
  
"Eh heh...sorry, wrong paper...defense calls Aoshi Shinomori!"  
  
Aoshi stood from a spot on the crowd and walked to the stand. meanwhile Kenshin stood to object.  
  
"Oh, COME ON already! He can't even say anything if you hold a riceball in front of him!"  
  
Aoshi turned and gave Kenshin....THE LOOK! "Quiet, Battousai. If they wish to hear my testimony, then they shall hear it."  
  
Sanosuke paced back and forth in front of the room, concentrating and thinking of a strategy. Finally, he found one and used it.  
  
"Aoshi, why the black hair, man?"  
  
All within the courtroom faceplant as one.  
  
"I like the look, so what." Aoshi answered simply. The court made their way to their seats.  
  
"Mister Aoshi..do you know my client personally?" Sanosuke asked, waving his hand to Yahiko behind the defense table.  
  
"No."  
  
Sanosuke turned red. "Uhm...yeah. Do you believe that he could commit a childish act which has brought him into this courtroom..dojo...place?"  
  
"I don't care what he does." Aoshi answered in the same, cold voice.  
  
The courtroom once again faceplanted as one.  
  
"Err..you may take your seat, Aoshi." Sanosuke said, sitting himself at the table.  
  
"Well, THAT did no good." said Kenshin as Aoshi sat down. "Prosecution, call your next witness."  
  
Kaoru stood up and read aloud from her piece of paper. "Prosecution calls...Ayame and Suzume!"  
  
For the third time, the courtroom faceplants as one. Man, it must be starting to hurt....  
  
The two young, YOUNG girls walked past the two tables and sat next to each other on the stand. However, their heads barely reached over the table. Chuckles are heard from the jury.  
  
Kenshin gets them a booster seat for both of them, and they take their oath. Kaoru walks to them with the sweetest, most innocent smile.  
  
"Hi you two! How are you today?"  
  
"We feel great!"  
  
"We played with Uncle Kenny today! Yaay!!"  
  
"Alright," continued Kaoru, "Now, be honest. Who do you like better? Me, or the big bad Yahiko over there?"  
  
"....."  
  
"UNCLE KENNY!!!"  
  
Ouch, thats four times they faceplanted....  
  
"Objection!" Sanosuke shouted, "They're both too young and entirely too innocent to testify!"  
  
"Sustained," said Kenshin, "Find something Miss Kaoru or I'm afraid they'll have to leave the stand."  
  
Kaoru sighed, "No further questions, your honor."  
  
"Would you like to cross-examine the witnesses, defense?" Kenshin asked Sanosuke.  
  
Sanosuke chuckled slightly to himself, and stood. Casually and calmly, Sanosuke bent down to the two children and whispered something in their ears. Both nodded ecstatically, and Sanosuke stood back.  
  
"Ayame and Suzume, who should deserve to be freed of all charges?"  
  
"Yahiko-kun!" They both shouted as if they were rehearsed.  
  
"Thank you girls, you may sit." Sanosuke smiled and sent them on their way. As they passed him, Sanosuke tucked away two boxes of pocky to Ayame's hands.  
  
"The Defense has no more witnesses, your honor." Sansuke added as he sat next to Yahiko.  
  
"Prosecution?" Kenshin asked.  
  
"We have no more witnesses, your honor." Misao said.  
  
Kenshin whacked his gavel. "Then the jury will now commence deliberation. The verdict shall be reached within two days. Court is dismissed."  
  
The courtroom all stood to file out of the courtroom, but not before the author got really sneaky had forced them to faceplant once more.  
  
"Ahhh, my hip!!"  
  
"It's a massacre, a massacre!"  
  
"Oh sweet zombie Jesus on a pogo-stick, we're screwed!!"  
  
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Thus the trial is nearing the end! Who will overcome as the victor? Kaoru? Yahiko? Ayame and her pocky?  
  
I got a better idea. Alternate endings! The most reviews for the winner, that chapter will come first, with the consequences that follow. Then we will carry on the last chapter with the alternate verdict. Won't that be fun, boys and girls?  
  
R/R please, and don't forget to eat your Twinkie Weiner Sandwiches!!! 


	3. Yahiko, GUILTY! Ending 1 of Two

Order In The...Dojo? by NachoManLance  
  
Disclaimer: All things Rurouni Kenshin have been destined not to be mine. Hell, if I owned it I'd be doing a lotta things than writing this. Be fortunate!!  
  
Due to popular demand, (and probably bribery) the jury (readers) have sentenced Yahiko guilty of disobeying orders and disturbing the dojo. Grab your popcorn and get the drinks, because the trial is coming to an end!  
  
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Two peaceful days later, after raging fires and unstoppable riots in the streets, the trial of Kaoru vs. Yahiko commenced into it's final phase. The courtroom buzzed with excitement as both Defence and Prosecution made their way to their tables. Baliff Saitoh stood after a few minutes and talked silently with Sanosuke.  
  
"You sure it'll work this time?"  
  
"Trust me man, this will knock their socks off..."  
  
Behind the curtain to the side of the courtroom, Judge Kenshin cleared his throat loudly to await his entrance.  
  
"Oh, uh..all rise for the honorable Judge Kenshin!" Saitoh shouted.  
  
All within the courtroom stood as Kenshin stepped out and made his way to his stand. He checked the seat, checked above his head, and under the desk. Positive things weren't out of order, he took his seat.  
  
After that, the jury lined themselves into their spots to the side of the court, each of them not saying a word or making any kind of face. Clearly, their verdict will be a serious one.  
  
"Will the jury please stand and announce the verdict." Kenshin ordered from his seat. At once, the man seated to the bottom-left stood with a paper in his hands. It was Soujiro.  
  
Soujiro cleared his throat and read, "We the jury, of the trial of Kaoru Kamiya versus Yahiko Myoji, find the defendant...."  
  
**chirp, chirp**  
  
"Yes?" said Kenshin impatiently.  
  
"Heh heh, sorry," Soujiro smiled, "I just wanted to catch the suspence. Ahem...we find the defendant....GUILTY!!"  
  
"NOOO!!!" Yahiko yelled, grabbing his hair and shaking his head violently.  
  
"YEESS!!!" cried Kaoru, hugging Misao tightly.  
  
Sanosuke calmed Yahiko down and whispered in his ear, "Don't worry, I got it all covered...."  
  
Kenshin grabbed his gavel and announced. "So be it. Yahiko, you are hereby sentenced to twenty lashings and two months worth of chores for the Kamiya Dojo, starting now." With that, Kenshin whacked his gavel.  
  
Immediatly, the gavel exploded in front of him and smoke filled the room. While everyone hid under their chairs, Sanosuke grabbed Yahiko. "RUN KID, RUN!!"  
  
They both made a mad dash for the door just as everyone got up and coughed. Before any of them realised it, they were long gone from the courtroom.  
  
"Damnit, that I say!" Kenshin cursed as he found his seat. Saitoh started to crack up with laughter.  
  
"Oh my god... I can't believe they pulled it off!!" he began to roll on the ground, clutching the sides of his stomach to hold in most of the laughter.  
  
Kenshin shook his head. "Screw Yahiko, let's just have him do all the lashings and work." Kenshin whacked his Sakaboto on the table, since he knew THAT wasn't rigged.  
  
Two big men in white lab coats grabbed Saitoh and dragged him out. "NOOOOOO!!!!!"  
  
"Let's just get out of here while sanity still exists." Kaoru suggested. Misao nodded and left with her. Kenshin heaved a heavy sigh and walked home with them as well.  
  
As for the rest of the courtroom....  
  
**faceplant**  
  
"AHHH, NOT AGAIN!!"  
  
"It hurts, it hurts so!"  
  
"WOO, I'M GLEAMING THE CUBE, TOO!!!"  
  
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Well there you have it, the outcome of Kaoru winning the trial. Stay tuned for the last chapter and alternate ending, Kaoru gets dissed!!  
  
R/R please! 


	4. Yahiko INNOCENT! Final Chapter!

Order in the...Dojo? by NachoManLance  
  
Disclaimer: I hereby give the disclaimer to disclaim all ownership of Rurouni Kenshin, thus concluding my disclaiming disclaimer, which disclaims....stop looking at me like that.  
  
The alternate ending! Congratulations Yahiko, you're our lucky winner in the trial! Let's see how THIS goes, shall we?  
  
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A new day had started in the Land of the Rising Sun, in this case, The Land of the Rising Stupidity. With this new and stupid day, we end the long and stupid trial. The jury had finally reached a verdict, and the court was called into order.  
  
Off to the side, Sanosuke and Saitoh stood closely and whispered to each other, occasionally taking glances at the empty bench that holds the judge.  
  
"Believe me, the moment he says "Guilty", he'll be blown to smithereens." Sano assured.  
  
"Not to worry, Rooster Head," Saitoh grinned, "I've also set up something for him as well. I trust you'll find it amusing."  
  
Sano grinned and clasped his hand on Saitoh's shoulder.  
  
"Get the @#$^ off me."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
Judge Kenshin, who stood behind the curtain near the bench, got very impatient and just walked to his bench without the big assed entrance. Sanosuke quickly moved to his seat next to Yahiko, and Saitoh sweatdropped.  
  
"Please...stand?"  
  
"You're too late, baileff!" Kenshin snarled. Saitoh jumped and stood at the bench like a loyal dog. Only, in this case he's a loyal wolf. Or something. Whatever.  
  
Kenshin calmed himself down and glanced at the jury. "You say you have a verdict?"  
  
The lead juror-person-thingie stood, revealing himself as Soujiro. "We have, Your Honor."  
  
"Hah," Kenshin grinned sarcastically towards Saitoh, "So I AM honored around here, huh!"  
  
"Why you.." Saitoh growled. He reached through his coat and clicked a button.  
  
Suddenly a huge gallon of dirty laundry fell over the bench and piled onto Kenshin. He went ballistic.  
  
"Oh, for the hatred of gods both ancient and horrible, who would do such a thing like this?!?!" Kenshin screamed, climbing himself out of his own version of Superman's Kryptonite.  
  
The whole dojo fell over with laughter, barely even able to grab their stomachs. Only Kenshin stood completely still, eyes glowing a sudden gold.....  
  
"I SHALL SLIT YOUR THROATS AND USE THEM AS TURKEY STUFFING FOR MY MEAL!!!!!" Kenshin, now Battousi, unsheathed his sword and turned it blade-side out.  
  
The dojo froze in their spots and sat at attention. Even Saitoh was silently crying for mommy.  
  
"Thank you for keeping in order." Kenshin said politely, sheathing his sword and sitting in his chair. The dirty laundry was set aside for cleaning later, and the trial continued on.  
  
"Excellent work.." Sano whispered to Saitoh. Saitoh grinned.  
  
"Carry out your verdict, Soujiro." Kenshin asked.  
  
Soujiro, still trying desperatly to hold in his laughter, stood and raised his voice so everyone within the dojo could hear.   
  
"We find the defendant Yahiko, innocent of all charges!"  
  
"WHHHAAAAAT?!?!?" Kaoru and Misao screamed, jaws sagging.  
  
Suddenly, the chair that held Kenshin began to rumble and shake. Seconds later, it exploded, firing Kenshin hundreds of feet into the atmosphere and making a large hole in the wall, leading outside. All heads turned to Sanosuke.  
  
".............."  
  
"Woops?"  
  
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This ends my story! Thank you to everyone who read and left a polite review, it is all of you that make that make this possible, and it is you who can make an author's day feel better!  
  
Here's the deal: I have a whole plot ready for a brand new trial, ready to type and everything. But there is a problem, readers. I have been assigned to take the place of a very famous fiction story usually written by the leader of the group I'm in, the T2M Clan, and I have no time whatsoever to continue with this new RK story. HOWEVER!!!! If any of you take up the task of writing this plot, I will greatly, greatly appreciate it! All I need is a name, email address, and your precious time.   
  
Once again, thank you for reading!  
  
With Friendship,  
  
NachoManLance 


	5. Review Returns and RK Skits!

Order in the Dojo? Review page!!  
  
Disclaimer: Do I even need one?  
  
Here's here I write back to a few of my reviewers, since some things had to be mentioned and I didn't want it to be erased like it was an Author's Note. That would, suck T_T  
  
BTW, if there is anyone else who would like to continue the trial for me, please let it be heard! I like to see how qualified everyone is before reaching a decision. You need the right kind of humor, the right kind of narration, and most importantly, you need the time and experience!  
  
So here we go, starting from first to last chapters  
  
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The Great Squirrel: Nacho Kurama Friend? You must know Ashly....  
  
Sakura Butterfly: Actually, Judge Judy and other shows like it gave me the inspiration. Plus I have ties with them. I wouldn't be so sure of myself if I were you :P  
  
avia: I'm taking Spanish too...and I think you're right on that one. Maybe that explains my failing grade? __  
  
Vera-Sama: I hate to disappoint you my friend, but the position of NachoGirl has been filled. I really appreciate your request though, and I'll hold to your word about the nachos! ^_^  
  
kagome-chan1234567890: Pink, Shmink. And you own a comp kitty, huh? I have one too! Her name is NachoKitty and she sleeps on top of my moniter every night! ^_^  
  
Master of Time and Space: I have answers my friend, and I'm sure you will be delighted to search through my sources ^_^  
  
"I'M GLEAMING THE CUBE!!" - This is a quote used in the famous gamer web comic Penny Arcade! by Mike and...forgot the other guy. You can find their website at www.penny-arcade.com  
  
"Oh sweet zombie Jesus on a pogo-stick, we're screwed!" This is a line used in another web comic using characters from Final Fantasy One, called 8 Bit Theater. Their website is www.nuklearpower.com  
  
"Oh for the hatred of gods both ancient and horrible!" This again is from 8 Bit Theater. I'm telling you, you'll love it.....  
  
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I hope FF.net doesn't wipe this....if not I'm kind of screwed. Just so I'm safe, here's a couple of Rurouni Kenshin skits to use as intermission! Enjoy!  
  
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Saitoh: *holding a Magic Eight Ball* Oh Magic Eight Ball, I'm just not sure. Is death really the answer?  
  
Magic Eight Ball: Shut up and die.  
  
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Sanosuke: You seem more Battousai today. Are you Battousai?  
  
Kenshin: Me? No, why I just now helped a little old lady across the street!  
  
Battousai: AND INTO A FURNACE!!  
  
Sanosuke: O_O What? Into what now? Furnace?  
  
Kenshin: No.... furnished! A.... well furnished apartment which I obtained with entirely legitimate funds.  
  
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Sanosuke: Where's Saitoh?  
  
Kenshin: I guess he couldn't come.  
  
Yahiko: But it's guys night out!  
  
Kenshin: I know what night it is!  
  
Sanosuke: I think we should just kill him.  
  
Kenshin: Look, we're not going to kill him.  
  
Sanosuke: Just kill him! KILL HIM!  
  
Kenshin: No, alright? Jesus. We're not killing him.  
  
Sanosuke: we never do what I wanna do.  
  
Kenshin: Listen. If you wanted to go to the Akabeko or something, fine, let's go. But no. You want to kill people. You never just want a beef stew.  
  
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Alright, I think that should clear it up.....  
  
So this the final chapter FOR REAL this time! See you all in he afterlife (if it even exists)!  
  
With Friendship and In Some Cases With Sympathy,  
  
NachoManLance 


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